I can't get away from my internal hermit. 

The constant tugging, pulling me toward protective solitude. It's survival mode and I feel obligated to indulge in cutting everyone the fuck out of my life but then I look around and it dawns on me. Everyone already IS out of my life. That sudden realization that nobody gives a shit about what's going on with me. Out of sight, out of mind.  I think if I thought anyone genuinely gave a shit and really wanted to know how the hell I'm getting along, I'd probably be less likely to shut everyone out.  The ONLY person I won't cut out of my life is my daughter.  I feel like crap about how little 'Living' we do. Between having no local friends and being shit poor trying to make ends meet and cutting every disfunctional relationship from my life, it's no surprise I'm feeling lonely and numb and utterly disheartened. 

I don't need any help from other unhealthy people sucking the life out of my existence.  I need a plan! I need something to break...and when I say 'break' I mean how the fucking stone table broke for Aslan when all that Narnia shit went down.  

Am I gonna be like this forever? Will I ever make solid friendships that will last?!

There has to be more to living and thriving than this.