Cathartic release doesn't necessarily get the job done...well, not for sexual tension anyway.
So why am I doing this blog?
My thoughts are that it can't hurt and though it may not be the cure to avoiding promiscous behavior and curbing my fleshly appetites, I at least get some pleasure fingering it out on the laptop.VHI's Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew has served as a means to solidify my suspicions that I am infact a female sex addict. Jennifer Ketcham and Nicole Narain, two women I watched from that show of whom I have great admiration and respect and relate to far more than I would have expected.
I too am a survivor. Raised amidst a controlling, so-called christian conservative homelife in which on-going covert abuse devolved throughout my childhood.
So it begs the question: why would I turn toward and not away from the presence of these unbridled sexual lusts and cravings which in essence have become the very bain of my existence?
My own struggle with pent up sexual tensions, though once dormant, have since awakened with abandonment and are proving too much for me to handle. I've called in many a time to take off from work in order to stay home all day and masturbate for hours on end. I've spent whole weekends camped out in front of my computer or TV taking in whatever sensory stimulation will turn me on and get me off.
I don't want to settle into this habit but reeling it in has become an increasing monumental task. It's been 2 months now and all I can think about is the underlying persistent sexual tension sending hormones coarsing through my veins with every frustrated fiber of my being telling me I'm long overdue for a fuck if and I don't get laid in the very near future I'm liable to spontaneously combust!
((((((Sigh.)))
Men I've been with would love to thank God. Seems he forgot I was a woman when he gave me this astronomically relentless sex drive. I can't say I share the sentiment.
I guess at 36 years of age, what I really want and hope to eventually find is Synergy; finding that one who can be my best friend and visa versa. I don't just wanna be someone he can live with. I want to be the woman he can't live without!
Being single is far better than settling for a man who is with me only because I persuaded' him or because I was the default choice when he lacked other options at that time. Though sex is not the ONLY thing I desire, it is a crucial part of what I'm looking for. As someone who craves sex to the degree I do, I don't think it's at all unreasonable or out of balance to want a man who can keep up with me in this way. There must be chemestry, strong compatibilty (mentally,emotionally and spiritually, physically and sexually). And in that, I refuse to compromise.
Back when I was a young teen even, I had wanted my own children. I'd like very much to adopt someday, but I do desire my own flesh and blood...to carry that child as it grows inside me and then to give birth, in all it's painful and exhausting perfection.
Being a single mom is not an option for me, though the thought of never having one of my own is too painful to acknowledge. Who knows what the future holds. I may even consider Invitro if I secure the financial stability for such an option in the future.How do I reconcile my sexual cravings, my need to be a woman of character and moral value???????? Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in it.
Can anyone or anything help??????
